A Promise
by GirHugs
Summary: Tony once made a promise to himself. (Part 2 of Unlike Father, Like Son series)


**Disclaimer: Avengers belong to Marvel.**

**A/N: This is a one-shot character study of a teenage Tony and his views on Howard. Inspired by the song 'Styrofoam Plates' by Death Cab for Cutie. **

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Why the hell is he here again? Cause he really doesn't want to be here right now. It's just…awkward, really.

He's contemplating getting up and leaving, but suddenly there is a heavy hand clasped over his shoulder, restraining him. His eyes dart to the right and Obie is giving him the _look_. You know, the one that says he knows exactly what Tony is thinking and he better not even fucking try it.

Tony just rolls his shoulder to brush off Obie's hand and then slouches further into the chair, trying to tune out the utter bullshit being spewed out like sewer water from the teary-eyed fucker on stage.

God, what he wouldn't give for a drink right now…

The thought almost makes him laugh, which, yes, even Tony realizes would be a _little_ inappropriate given the current situation. But still, it is a funny thought.

Because seriously, out of all the things Howard _could_ have taught his son, the only thing he _did_ teach him was that drowning himself in alcohol was a great way to avoid life. In general.

Thank you ever so fucking much, Howard, really.

He isn't even paying attention anymore. All the words are the same.

Howard was a great business partner, a great mind, a great man, a great husband, a great _father_…

And seriously? Had these people even _met_ the man? Had they met Howard Stark, at all? And if they had…if Howard really had been this awesome guy they are all so sad to have lost, then who the fuck was the guy Tony had been interacting with for seventeen years?

Tony looks around, observes the people around him, thinking that maybe this is all one elaborate practical joke. But no, they all seem genuinely upset. And Tony just can't relate. Can't understand why they are so heart-broken.

Is there something wrong with him?

Okay, that is such a bad thought. Seriously. Because Tony has known the answer to that question basically since he first understood the word disappointment. A word that had been etched into his very essence by the very man they were all gathered together to mourn. He guesses that the question he should really be asking is…

What the fuck _wasn't_ wrong with him?

Because he should be feeling _something_, right? Like, anything. He should just…_feel_ as he watches Howard's casket being lowered into the ground. But he just…_doesn't_. He's numb. He's empty. He's a hollow shell and there is nothing inside him.

And the hand is back again. He turns to look at Obie who just nods his head towards the podium where everyone has been going up to say their peace. Tony's eyes widen and he shakes his head frantically. Winces when the hand tightens and heaves a resigned sigh.

The walk up to the podium is long. His feet are dragging and feel like they are made of lead. After what seems like forever, he is there, staring out into a crowd of faces he doesn't recognize. And he just freezes. Because he knows what they are _expecting_ of him. He knows what _role_ he has been assigned to play. But he's not sure he can.

His eyes stray to the picture of Howard- wide grin and brilliant eyes. And who the hell was that man? Not the Howard he'd known, that's for sure. He'd never seen that smile. He'd never seen those joyful eyes. He'd never seen that man before in his life. That bright-eyed man in the picture was a stranger.

His eyes fall to the words printed below the picture of the stranger.

_In loving memory of Howard Stark- a brilliant man taken from a world not ready to lose such a kind soul._

What does that even fucking mean? He doesn't _have_ a loving memory of Howard Stark. And okay, Tony is willing to cede the point that Howard was brilliant, but kind? He's trying not to laugh again.

It's all a fucking lie.

And great, now there is emotion welling up in him. Not the emotion everyone expects him to feel…but it's there, regardless, because Tony has never done _anything_ right.

Nope, it's not sadness or loss he's feeling. It's anger. Anger wells up in him, hot and raging. Incinerating him from the inside out. Anger at the father he never had. Anger at the father he _did_. Anger at the people mourning a man he doesn't know.

He wants to yell and scream at them. Make them understand that the Howard they knew was a lie. A mask. A charming and brilliant mask meant to deceive them all into ignoring the monster underneath.

…But he can't do that either. Because who the fuck would believe the fuck-up?

Instead, he lies, to them. And makes a promise, to himself.

"I wish I had been given more time with my father."

I wish I had been given a _father_.

"And I regret that I didn't get to know Howard Stark better."

I regret I knew Howard Stark at all.

"There are no words to express what I am feeling right now."

There are no words to express this angry fire within me.

"But I promise you all this: I will do my very best to live up to the memory of Howard Stark. A man you all respect and love."

I promise to be _nothing_ like Howard Stark, because then I will be a man _worthy_ of respect and love.

"I promise to be a good man like him."

_I promise to be a __**better**__ man than him. _

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**A/N: ****The series continues on in 'A Better Man,' which jumps back to the time point where 'Unlike Father, Like Son' left off**_**.**  
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